On Kully's orders I went to IKEA this afternoon to buy some wardrobes. Never really been before but my mate Andy swears by the meatballs and the coffee.

I arrived at one and went in for lunch, no point in humphing furniture on an empty stomach. I had the big portion of meatballs and jam which tasted great. Sweden has gone up in my estimation, the coffee was fantastic, I took advantage of the free refills to try the hot chocolate too. Sitting alone in the restaurant I realised that IKEA was a kind of hotspot for 'ladies who lunch' all around me were rather good looking ladies of a certain age and their equally attractive daughters.

After ogling quietly for half an hour I set off round the shop looking for Kully's desired wardrobe, apparently mine is too old and too small. Women don't realise that men don't need much space for their clothes.

Wandering round I found myself behind one group which consisted of a young couple about 22 (the wife plumply attractive in a Kirty Allsop kind of way) and the wife's mother a beautiful slightly faded woman in I would say he mid forties. Mom and me exchanged a rather warm smile over a Malm chest of drawers. The daughter cast her mother a disparaging look and I moved swiftly on.

By the kitchens I bumped into a tall woman with short dark hair and glasses. She had the body of a retired swimmer with broad shoulders and huge breasts. We exchanged apologies and warm smiles, I moved on slowly this woman made me throb and she was alone. No daughter or husband to cramp her style. We passed and re-passed each other throwing out those little sideways looks that show the chase is on.

At the wardrobe section I had to stop and ask the assistant where I could find the one I was after. He was a doddery old beggar who flapped visibly at being asked to use his computer. As granpa fooled around with the keyboard the tall woman stopped at the bed section and made a great show of bending over looking at beds within feet of me. I felt as if she was deliberately pointing her ass and cleavage at me. I was lost in the throes of passion until Granpa brought me back with; "There in row 20 and section A you'll find them no-bother". "Thanks" I grumbled and looked around to find the tall woman had disappeared.

I caught up with her at the bathroom accessories section. I picked up a toilet brush (another Kully order)and looked up to seek the big girl exposing huge amounts of cleavage leaning over the shelf to my left. I looked at her, smiled and said hello. She smiled back and I bravely asked her if I could buy her a drink in the restaurant. You're a bit presumptious she growled. I laughed and said I was a lonely bloke out on a shopping trip for his girlfriend, I need some female company. "OK" she says "as long as you buy".

I bought her a glass of ligonberry juice(classy!)and we sat down. Her name was Vicky, married with two kids. She found the name Tufty rather amusing. I held her hand and we sat side by side on the bench chatting quietly. I squeezed her thigh, she hugged me, kissed me and said this wasn't such a good idea. I protested, she gave me her mobile no and said "Call me sometime if you want a chat". Then she left. I considered following her but felt it probably wasn't a good idea.

I went downstairs, bought my wardrobes, wished Vicky had stuck around because a big girl like her would have come in useful lifting the big boxes. I got home built the wardrobes, in time for Kully coming home and sat down to home cooked paratha for tea. Not a bad life in some ways. I suggested a few other IKEA products we might want, I feel another visit coming on soon.

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